Academic achievement is your primary goal in the United States, but a good social life is important, too. Recreation, diversion, friends. All contribute to a balanced life.

Degrees of Friendship

As is probably true in your own culture, it takes time for a friendship, a close relationship, to develop between Americans. Nevertheless, most Americans are very "friendly" and open when you meet them. You may hear Americans refer to acquaintances, such as persons who happen to sit together in class, as "friends." There are, however, degrees of friendship.

In the United States, people often say, "Hi, How are you?" or "How are you doing?" and then do not wait for a response. This is a polite phrase, not really a question. You can respond by saying, "Fine, thanks." Or you may hear an American say, "Drop by anytime" or "Let's get together soon." These are friendly expressions, but they may not be meant literally. It is polite to call someone on the telephone before you visit. Even without an invitation, it is acceptable to call a new acquaintance to see if he or she would like to go to a campus activity with you.

You will have to make an effort to meet people so that friendships can develop. Because crossing borders to study is a unique and powerful experience, you may find, at least initially, that you have more in common with other foreign students than with Americans, and some of your strongest friendships will be made with other foreigners.

Soon you will meet Americans who have studied abroad and who therefore know something of what you are experiencing as well as individuals who share your interests, academic and otherwise.

Many students believe that there is no better place to make friends than the residence hall. There may be 30 students living on your floor with different accents, different musical tastes, and possibly 30 different standards of acceptable behavior. Be prepared for very open discussions. Participate in and become involved in residence hall activities and functions.

Relationships with roommates work best when dual arts of flexibility and compromise are practiced. Your roommate may or may not become friends, but there is no reason you should not develop a good relationship. If necessary, the university will offer guidance and advice to help you.

Participating in Campus Life

Seek out fellow students with similar interests. You may find them in your classes or laboratories, but there are other options, too. Northern State University offers a wide array of clubs and organizations representing many student interests. You will find cultural and religious associations, sports teams and sports clubs, volunteer service organizations, student government, academic societies, music and theater groups, and a student newspaper

If you want to enhance your leadership skills, you will find numerous possibilities on campus, whether you choose to run for student-government office, lead an international student club or other campus organization, volunteer in the community, or lead a volunteer group. All these opportunities give you a chance to meet others and work with them on issues that matter to you. That's the best way to develop friends.

If you are bringing your family to the United States, you may find that your social life revolves around your children, their school, clubs, and activities. You may trade babysitting chores or participate in activities with other families that give you the chance to develop friendships.

Northern State University offers a friendship-family program that provides an opportunity for you to develop a social relationship with Americans in the Aberdeen area. Friendship-family programs can expand your knowledge of U.S. culture, help you discover new friends, and give you a chance to teach Americans something about your country and culture. If you choose to participate in the program, you will visit your host's home occasionally, attend special events in the community, or go on picnics and outings. Your friendship-family may invite you to attend church with them. It is not impolite to decline such an invitation if you would prefer not to attend religious services different from your own.

Practicing Your Religion

The United States is a multicultural society founded on tolerance and mutual respect; you should not hesitate to seek out opportunities to practice your religious beliefs. There are a variety of religious denominations in Aberdeen and some additional ones exist in the surrounding communities. The Student Affairs office will be able to help you locate such organizations.

Although America has a higher rate of church attendance than most other western societies, many Americans are uncomfortable discussing religion. Some Americans may shy away from the topic altogether. Others will want to share their religious views with you. Most people are sincere and straightforward, but some may try to take advantage of you or convert you to their religious beliefs by offering you their friendship. If you begin to feel uncomfortable in such a situation, politely but firmly explain that you are not interested.

Alcohol and Smoking

U.S. laws concerning the sale and consumption of alcohol may seem very liberal or very constraining to you, depending on your nationality. In the United States, it is illegal to purchase alcoholic drinks, including beer and wine, until you reach the age of 21.

Northern State University does not tolerate the consumption of alcohol at any university events or activities. Students are not allowed to have or consume alcohol in their residence hall rooms. Remember that you do not have to drink to act like an American.

Do you smoke? In many parts of the United States, all public buildings are designated "smoke free," meaning that you cannot smoke in any part of the building. Other buildings may have spaces designated for smokers. Restaurants may have smoking and nonsmoking sections. If you are a guest in someone's home, room, or apartment, always ask permission before you smoke. There is no smoking allowed in any university buildings including residence halls. Be prepared to see “No Smoking” signs in most offices, classrooms, and stores.

Dating

You may be surprised by the informality of relations between men and women in the United States. Couples go out alone in the evening to attend a movie, concert, lecture, or party; students may get together for a "study date." In the past, the man usually asked the woman, and the man paid the expenses of the movie, concert, or meal. Today, a woman may ask a man to go out with her. Whether the man or woman offers the invitation, students often share the expenses.

Relationships between American men and women of college age range from simple, casual friendships to strong emotional and physical commitments. As your friendships develop past acquaintance, you may not always understand what your partners expect of you. Whatever the relationship, the best policy is honesty and frankness. Although sometimes embarrassing, it is best to express your feelings and intentions so you can avoid misunderstandings and even greater discomfort. If your date appears interested in a sexual relationship and you are not, it is very important that you say NO clearly. And if someone seems to be saying NO to you, listen. Unwanted sexual attention is a very serious matter in the United States. Do not interpret the acceptance of a date as anything more than an agreement to meet at a certain time and place and to spend some time together.

If you are in doubt about correct behavior, talk with American friends or with the vice president for student affairs. Be aware that alcohol and dating can be a problematic mix, particularly in a cross-cultural setting.